England’s deadly dull World Cup qualifying victory against Andorra had a Groundhog Day feel for long-time followers of this particular bandwagon.
Routine win. Comfortable qualifying. And then this formality is often followed by disappointment when the serious business starts at a major tournament.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have covered England for almost a quarter of a century.
While this is a huge privilege I enjoy immensely, games like Saturday’s do make make you reflect on World Cup qualifiers and ask “when was the last time one was really good?”
A shortage of qualifying memories for England fans
OK, first of all some context and stats.
England have only lost four World Cup qualifiers in the past 30 years.
They are currently unbeaten in these matches since 2009.
To compare, in Europe only Spain (one) and Germany (three) have lost fewer during that period.
Adding European Championships, since qualifying for Euro 2004 England have played 108 qualifiers, winning 84 and losing only six. They have scored 292 goals and conceded just 51.
That is a points-per-game ratio of 2.5. In other words, if it was a Premier League season over 38 games, that would yield 95 points, enough to win the title in all but three seasons.
So you would think there would be lots of good memories – but qualifiers rarely produce raw excitement. They are usually the means to an end. In England’s case an unfulfilled struggle to win the World Cup which has eluded the men’s team since 1966.
England’s first international at Villa Park for 20 years, a 2-0 win on Saturday, ended in front of thousands of empty seats as Andorra mounted a damage limitation exercise in the face of inevitable defeat.
There are outliers, such as captain David Beckham’s sensational last-minute free-kick against Greece at Old Trafford in October 2001 that gave England a 2-2 draw and sent them to the following summer’s World Cup in Japan.
And in April 2003 when a stunning full debut from the 17-year-old Wayne Rooney helped England beat Turkey 2-0 in a Euro 2004 qualifier at the Stadium of Light in Sunderland.
One searing memory is the ill-fated Euro 2008 qualifier against Croatia at Wembley in November 2007 when Steve McClaren’s England, needing only a draw, lost 3-2 to a nation who had nothing to play for having already qualified.
It was the night McClaren left out goalkeeper Paul Robinson for Scott Carson, the replacement fumbling Niko Kranjcar’s early shot to gift Croatia the lead.
This writer, contributing to an early iteration of BBC Sport’s live text commentaries, offered up these words when watching Carson warm up in a Wembley deluge before kick-off.
“As he [Carson] looks dubiously at the penalty areas, he may just be thinking these are nightmare conditions for any keeper.”
And indeed they were.
The Wembley downpour also produced the defining image of McClaren’s time as England manager as he sheltered under an umbrella, meaning he will forever be known in that particular context as the ‘Wally With The Brolly’ – and the label stuck via a national newspaper headline.
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